Life only comes once, why complain the whole way?

So recently I found out something about my body that I didnt really like. At first I was alright with it but then I was slowly taken in to self pity and mini-despair. I was bitter for the things that I would have to give up, simple pleasures that I had indulged in many times. Someone told me that I could not do what I always enjoyed doing, telling me what I could and could not do, and I became angry. I wanted to say that no one can tell me what to do, I didn't even deserve it. I had taken so good of my body, so much better than so many other people, and here I was suffering for what? While other people snacked on chips, my snack was a bag of fresh spinach. Really? What had I done? So why can every other person eat whatever they like and be okay, and here I am making sure that I never have a problem and I am the one who gets screwed. Is life ever fair?

Then, I went to a concert and as I was listening to the beautiful music, watching the conductor swaying and leaping about to the music I looked across the front row and saw a young man who I knew was blind. His head was tilted to the side, listening intently, yet not seeing the source of the beautiful sounds. As Jake and I were leaving he was behind us so Jake tried to hold the door open for him but somehow got in his way and bumped him. He mumbled a sorry and walked off with his white stick flying fiercely back and forth. Then a thought suddenly came to my mind. "how dare I complain."  I looked up into Jakes smiling face, his sparkling blue eyes, and I could see him, I reached up and touched his back; I could feel him. As we walked I looked down at my legs, I was able to walk on my own. As we left the building my breath was caught in my chest as I saw that the blue sky had been burnt by a fiery sunset, glowing pinks and searing reds: bright and majestic "I  have every reason to be thankful". 

As I watched a girl push herself in her wheel chair, two very small and useless legs dangling over the edge, I couldnt help but think of all of the things that I take for granted. I have no reason to complain or to feel sorry for myself. So what I got a hiccup in my life, so what? Now I have to eat healthy. I think thats a great thing. Its hard at the beginning especially when you feel so alone and different from everyone else, but all of this has been such great blessings. Going through this little mini hard thing has helped me realize that: number one, complaining doesn't help anything or anyone; Second, there is always someone who has it worst than you; third, having a Job attitude will get you a long way; Fourth, usually the hardships of today are blessings of tomorrow when you finally realize why you had them and what they have given to you. 

Now, because of my little problem, I want to do more with my life and I want to reach out to people who may have any troubles. I really want to be a nutritionist and help society become more aware of health problems and help us be more healthy. I just want to make a difference for someone. I dont know how I can, but I really want to. I just want to stop saying "I." Is there a way to help anyone in a meaningful way? A life cannot really be enjoyed unless it is spent finding joy in other people's joy. Life is just not worth living if you only looked after yourself.

"I am in love with a boy"

I am in love with a boy

He's the one 

the one I wanted

When I knelt beside my bed

I prayed for a man

who was kind and loving 

He heard me. 

Now I have a boy

Who is more like a man

Who is more like my best friend

His smile is brighter than sunshine

his love is more warm than its rays.

He is my love

he is my boy

He is my joy 

when I know that he is coming 

my heart flutters

my stomach jumps

I am in love with a boy

Whenever he holds me my heart is healed

when he kisses me I melt

when he touches me he saves me

when he sings to me I am flying

My eyes sparkle, and my dreams come true.

He carries me higher as he flies with his cape,

my hero today

my hero forever. 

I live nothing less than a dream

nothing less than a miracle. 

Im starting my life 

with the man of my dreams.

Team Ballentine forever.

I am in love with a boy. 

Tell me something I didnt know. ps. Bring it on diabetes

So today I went to the doctor because my stomach has been feeling really crappy lately. He helped me out a bunch to tell me I needed to flush out my system because I have some stool backed up in my intestines. (poop) ;) sorry, Im not shy about this stuff. Everyone does it right? ;) anyways, its not constipation, but its pretty dangerous. (if you dont treat it right away toxins and bacteria seep into your bloodstream and you die.) I had to drink this NASTY stuff . Yuck.

Anyways, before I left I asked him a question I have been wondering for a while. I LOVE food, for other reasons other than it tasting good. I seem to be always hungry. When I go without eating I will get really sick (dizzy, cranky, tired, my head starts hurting and I almost pass out). I asked him what that meant and he said I most likely have Hypoglycemia. He said that if it goes unchecked and if I dont make some changes or whatever I will become diabetic later on. (After I become pregnant or something) He said id have to watch the weight because of it. But the thing is that I kind of had a sinking feeling that I had Hypoglycemia for a long time. I realized that my reaction to food was much different than normal people's so I researched it and came to this realization. 

So, anyways, he told me that I needed to come in for a test that is going to take 5 hours. Yuck. I have a feeling that it will be blood taking the whole time. If you dont know me then I cant really describe to you in writing how much I hate getting my blood drawn. I cry, even now that I am 20, every time they do it. I get emotional, which I try to control because I have no reason to be, but its hard for me. I get really shaky. 

But yea, that was my day today. It was pretty nuts. Now I cant eat sugar and stuff, I gotta watch what I eat and make sure that I am extra healthy so that maybe I wont get diabetes. If I do then I guess it could suck, but you know, its not the end of the world. And so what I have to watch what I eat? I love healthy food so it wont be much of a problem for me. ;) Im not really that torn up about it, but its quite a change (even if I did know that I had it all along). 

There is one thing I know for sure, I love love love love love doctors. I mean the people can be whatever but I am so grateful for modern medicine. It saved my life today ;) 

25 cent cookie, million dollar lesson

I never really explained my last entry. That was just an assignment for class and I just wanted to share it. :) You know whats funny? I am having a hard time forming words because I was just studying french and I want to put the words in the wrong order (in english) and start writing things that would make more sense in french. hehe ;) Thats a good sign I guess but it is a little bit of a hassle. 

You know, I think about things to say on this thing, things to say to try and "change the world", make it a better place, but the more that I complain about things that I see that shouldnt be, the more I realize that I am not making it any better by being a cynic or when I am on the look out for mistakes we all make in general. 

I think that the world is a wonderful place. That although we all do silly things, we all have a good heart. I like this world and I like the people in it. It was sweet, when I was running to class I saw a little boy selling cookies. I was in such a hurry that I didnt think that I would have the time to get a cookie from him but just as I passed I realized that I did have the time if I wanted to make it, and that sometimes it was best to have a little fun and brighten some kid's day. Besides, I thought to myself, if I were a kid wanting to make a little money and someone bought my store bought cookies I would be so excited. Kids are so easily pleased, why not? I mean a smile is worth much more than a mere 25 cents. But, I did feel jipped when later on in the day two young girls were doing the same thing but instead of shouting "COOKIES FOR SALE!" as the boy did, they were yelling "COOKIES FOR SALE! BUY TWO AND GET ONE FREE!" ;) well, at least they were being little entrepreneurs, you gotta give them that much. ;)

So, the lesson I learned today was that there is never too little time to do something worth while. Life brightens in color when you step outside yourself and do something you "just dont have time to do." We all have the excuse. I know I have it all the time, but I want to break the monotony and the staleness of living selfishly every moment for myself. 

Not afraid of being a woman.

Being a woman

I believe this whole arguement really comes down to extremes and the stubbornness of both sides limiting both parties from really participating in a life with all blessings. The women’s movement was not all bad. In the “Declaration of Sentiments” , similiar to the declaration of independence for a change of women’s rights, it states that “he [the government] has denied her the facilities for obtaining through education, all colleges being closed against her”. This was a big problem in educating women. When the government restrained such a chance it was hurting its own people because an uneducated mother will not be able to teach her children to think and to use their minds. Women’s rights gave women a chance to vote and to be equal to a man in the law, therefore proving that women, though different, have every right to participate in their government and the creation of their country. 

But, on the other side women took it too far in some aspects. When it turned to abortion and becoming a man in the workplace it turned into a war of "who wants to be a man" but not only who wants to be a man but in the topic of abortion, who wants to be the most unfeeling. For me, I appreciate some of the things that were acheived in the women’s right movement, but I am also not afriad of my own femminity. I enjoy being a women and the things that I have the chance to do because I am a women. The roles that God gave us are to nurture, love, teach, and to help govern our children with our husbands. The role of a women is every bit as important as a man’s, but I do not pretend to think that mine is any more than my husbands nor would I want to be fufill my husbands roles. 

A man’s role is to provide for his family and make sure that they are taken care of. A man’s body even bears testiment of that, he naturally having more muscule mass and the hormones to increase the size of his muscles cells. On the contrary, my body is soft and tender, made to carry and hold my children and keep them warm and emmotionally protected. There is no way would I want to be the man because his work is very demanding and if I were made to work outside of the home I know that I would not be able to provide as effectivly because I would be so emmotionally torn up because I was not fufilling my roles that have been instilled in my very soul. I WANT to be with my tender adorable children. They are the essence of innocence. I would not give up the chance to be with them always, to love and cherish them, for the world.  I have been a woman since I was created, both soul and body, and I do not wish to deny that. I find glory in my feminity, but I also see that because I am much needed on this earth I am equal in my importance as men. Together we are the yin and yang, but if I were to try and be the yang as well I would deny the blessings of my womanhood to my husband, my children, society, to myself, and most importantly to my Father in Heaven. 

I do not pretend to say that any woman who has a career is evil and manly. Some desire that more and have no other choice or may be able to do both. I am excited when I can continue to give back to society when I have the chance to become a teacher or an editor or a nutritionist (or whatever career I find most fulfilling). Its all about seeing what is most important and helpful to all. But I encourage every woman to think for themselves and question extremist of both sides, whether it be a homemaker or a women's activist. A homemaker should never be a slave and a women in society should never be treated less than she is. But dont let either side speak so loudly that you have no chance to think for yourself.