Family

Right now I am at my dinner table at home. Bekah is screaming "PLEASE PASS THE PARMESAN CHEESE!!" Stevie is texting his friend, Madeline is looking at pictures on mom's cell phone and Sarah is looking over her shoulder. Its joshie's birthday today and my dad is a little uptight so he can make it the best day for Josh. We are eating tortellini for dinner because Josh requested it. He also requested fruit loops for breakfast, which I was dissapointed in because I am a cinomin toast crunch girl, but I got over it when I realized it was because it was Josh's favorite. (even tried a bowl)
This is a average day in my home. Bekah is the constant insane one, screaming, demanding, yet in her insanity she is wise for her age. Intelligence bursts from her little frame, she says things that she has heard from my mom as she reads to her. I come into her room and she is sitting on her little princess bed reading. One time she told my mom that she was "nervous for this holiday season"
Then there is Joshie, Man of the hour, who has the cutest little two front teeth. He has the most tender personality, and you can tell that he will be a heartbreaker. The charm of my father and the innocence of my mom.
Theres Sarah who is the shyest little woodland creature with her sweet little beauty.
Then there is Alex who has grown up so much. He has the best sense of humor, he always makes me laugh.
Madeline, who I have gotten so protective over, a growing beauty who has tons of strength. (we have hip wars, where you each other in the hips with all our power and she will send me flying.)
Stevie, a gentle giant if you ever seen one. He likes to pat me on the head when I get all fired up. He's got a new nickname for me and its Kitty Lion because Im a "kitty that thinks she is a lion."
My older sister Mckenna who is a fireball but with her husbands love and her life becoming her dreams that she used to tell me she is a beautiful woman who has the grace of an angel. Shes goregous and smart. I wish that I looked like her, but I dont. I look like me and thats okay, I like how I look.
Anyways, that is my family and sometimes I do things that I regret. I let my temper get the better of me and I flare up and say something rude or hurtful. Theyre so patient with me and they just shrug it off and when I come pining back to them begging for forgiveness. Its just hard because I get really uptight and I cant breathe and its hard to act normal. Im working at it but the only time that I am myself and nice and sweet is when I pray and I read my scriptures. Its just the way that it is. So i am doing better at it because the LAST thing that I want to do is to hurt my best of friends, for they are truly my best friends. More than anyone.

THANK YOU!!!

I was just thinking the other night about some really nice things strangers have done for me. None of them were during the Christmas season, by the way, they were always something totally unexpected and a great surprise. About two months ago I was walking home from work and I was pretty cranky. There were some things going on that made me pretty angry and therefore I didnt want to talk to anyone. I just stomped home with a frown on my face, soooo tired and so worn out emotionally and physically. That morning I had gone to work at 4 am and I had gotten like three hours of sleep, I had to work eight hours straight and my face was burnt from working the grill and my face was gross with the oil from making fries and picking up the slack of not having enough people helping me in that area. So I was walking, virtually growling in the world, then turning the corner I saw he guy walking towards me. I knew I looked horrible so I was thinking to myself "I know im ugly, just walk on by and pretend that Im not here..growl growl moan moan." He smiled at me and said, with a cheerful smile and a twinkle in his eye "Beautiful view isnt it?" pointint to the view of the Provo city below us (we were on BYU campus, on a hill that overlooked the south part of town) I tried to smile (which probably looked scarier than my frown) and all of a sudden I couldn't think negatively. I couldn't be angry! Believe me, I tried, but I found myself taking a deep breath and praying that Heavenly Father would bless him in his life for touching mine, for he truly risked his by talking to a carnivorous looking young lady like me.
There are so many times in my life that people have been so sweet and kind that I wish that I knew best how I could bless theirs. There are people very dear to me that have listened to me when I was going through a hard time and asked me how I was doing. Friends who stuck with me when I became a hermit and didnt talk to anyone for days on end. :/ Family members who just grinned and bore my strangeness. :) A good friend of mine that I wont be see any more that stuck with me in the hardest of times in which I grew very close to. Every night, without fail, I pray that I can repay them. or when their going through a hard time I can help them the way that they helped me. This is not a seasonal feeling, but one that I hope that will call me to action everyday of every year. And if there is ANYTHING that anyone wanted me to do for them, I would love love love love love love love to do it. Even if its someone to listen to when you talked. I know that I haven't done all I can because I can get pretty shy around people. I just get awkward and Im afraid that I'll hurt their feelings or overstep on my boundaries and do something wrong. One person actually thought that I was avoiding them..yikes..I just get scared. lol Hopefully I'll get over my weakness and cowardice and help others, work on my life as a hermit and step out of my shell. hahaha

Ugly fugly face

I am listening to sweet blues christmas music. It makes it so much more entertaining than the normal Christmas music. hahaha oohh yeaaa (sounding like louis armstrong) So it was really weird but I had a dream that it snowed and then I woke up this morning and lo and behold! It had snowed!! So strange..So now I still feel like im a asleep sorduve. It was hard waking up because Kenna Richard and I stayed up till like 3 am being really silly and laughing sooo hard I think I peed my pants. lol we took really really freaky pictures of ourselves and the funniest part was looking at the pictures of ourselves. I never knew that looking ugly could be so much fun!! It all started with me trying to give myself bangs. I had gone to the bathroom (after watching Brian Regan and laughing my butt off) and started snipping but I accidently cut way too short and I looked so funny that I started laughing hystericlly. I collapsed in the hallway laughing so hard because I looked so funny!!! That led to me making funny faces in the mirror and announcing to Kenna and Richard that I could make the scariest faces. They challenged me to a ugly face duel. I think I won though. Mine is HIDEOUS!!! I look like I have a million double chins, my neck dissapeared in the fat. hahahahaha I dont think I laughed harder than last night in a LONG time. awww...good times.

I am in love

Im pregnant with junk food. My teeth are caked with candy cane stikiness.
I am in love with brown sugar
I am in love with my toes
I am in love
and the list goes and goes and goes

When the stars come out I cant watch them like I'd like to; my neck hurts
I am in love with ageless showers
I am in love with my mystical books
I am in love
and the list goes and goes and goes

There is no end to my mistakes, they follow me into bliss.
I am in love with wet grass
I am in love with trains and their ladders
I am in love
and the list goes and goes and goes

He said I loved him, I did not, I shall not, I shant
I am in love with old fashioned detectives
I am in love with my ipod's earphones
I am in love
and the list goes and goes and goes

Peter pan has left my window, I am Wendy bird
I am in love with the skin of the piano
I am in love with laughter
I am in love
and the list goes and goes and goes

I write too much, no one reads, and I am alone in my words
I am in love with confused lyrics
I am in love with late night thoughts
I am in love
and the list goes and goes and goes

No one understands me, and I dont understand anyone.
I am in love with solitude
I am in love with walks in the sun-setting brilliance
I am in love
and the list goes and goes and goes

I wish that I lived in a library, the sun seems brighter in such a heavenly place
I am in love with wildflowers
I am in love with no man
I am in love
and the list goes and goes and goes


Find your girl in the window of a shopping mall.
In my eyes, you wont find what you want.
My skin is not bruised and broken
I am not naive and wont fall for your clever lies
Do not decept me, dont bequest on me your dirty fingers.
I am different
I am not what you knew back then

I am a silly girl beginning to live my dream
I am in love with chance
I am in love with surprises
I am in love
I am deeper than myself
I am what I want to be
I am happy
I am trying to find out what I can do to Be.
I make mistakes, but I laugh when I make them.
I am forgiving myself
I am in love with choice
I am in love with courage
I am in love
I am in love with cathedrals
I am in love with ancient choirs
I am in love with life
and in return
life is in love with me.

My testimony

I went to church today and it was the ward that I havent really gone to. (about twice) They had testimony meeting (I totally forgot it was fast and testimony meeting..whoops) but I didnt get a chance to bear my testimony. I had to leave early because I am not feeling good. I was sitting there thinking if there was some way I could bear my testimony because I really wanted to. So, instead of in church, I will bear it here. :) Bearing a testimony can be kind of scary, escpecially when you have to stand up in front of a million people it seems. Some people take the time to tell stories, be grateful for things, etc etc. But whenever someone really bears their testimony of what they know is true, you really feel the peace of the spirit, the burning inside where you know it is true as well, and you are so glad that someone else feels the same way. I know there were many many people who had strong testimonies that never stood up, and I am grateful for others who also believe in God as I do. (no matter which church or denomination that they adhere to) I am so glad there are those who are kind in the world, those who really try and do what is right (or what they believe is right) and for those who sacrifice their time in order to edify those they care about. I respect all people who truly have testimonies of the Lord. I will never pretend I am any better than anyone else. I know it is a lie, because I know we are all entirely equal, no matter what we decide to do with our lives. Anyways, I would now like to say what I believe in and what I know to be true. I testify of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. I know that he lived many years ago, bled and died for our sins. I know that he rose again in life and is living today with our Heavenly Father. I know that Heavenly Father cares so much about each and everyone one of us. I know that he loves me, and that he is intimatly involved in my life. I know that he listens to our prayers and answers them in ways that we may or may not see. I know that he gave us his words to help nourish us and guide us. I know that the Bible contains his words, that the Book of Mormon contains his words, and any thing that his Prophets have said on his behalf is true. I testify that he has sent us a prophet in these days to help us, to nurture us, and to protect us from our own carnal state. I testify that Joseph Smith was indeed a true prophet and a great man. I testify that Thomas S. Monson is our true prophet now, and that he is a good man and that he will guide us if we listen to his words. I know that the Lord would never ask us to do things that we could not do.
He has saved me, he has saved all of us, and I know this with all of my heart. I testify of Christ, that he lives, that he loves us. I testify of our dear Heavenly Father who loves us so much that he has made it that we can return in his presence once again. I testify, and know because of the Holy Ghost, that we can be forgiven of any sin that we may commit. I cannot deny what I know, and I say it with peace and assurance and with complete joy. I cannot deny it because through all of my hardships it is the Lord that has saved me. I have gone through the worst that I ever thought I could, but it was all because of my own stupidity. I believed I could do it on my own. I believed that God did not want to help me, but he has blessed me so much to show that he truly does love me and that he wants to help me. It was only when I turned to him did I finally become truly happy. I am soo excited to get to know him better. I am so excited to slowly understand his ways (though I know that it will take more than a lifetime) I want to become like him someday, and I want him to be proud of me. I want to show him that I love him, that I am his faithful and humble servant. That whatever he asks of me, that I would do it to the best of my ability. But I know also that I cannot do anything worth anything on my own. I am nothing without God. Life without him is dull and full of disappointment. Life with him is filled with promise, joy, happiness, and peace. This is what I know to be true and that anyone who is wondering can pray to Heavenly Father and he will always tell us what we need and what is true, for he cannot lie, nor would he ever want to, and he will always help us if we ask for it. This I know with all my soul, and I say in Jesus' name, Amen.

Going on a mission!

So this morning I woke up thinking "I am going on a mission." There was no reason for it, I hadnt been really thinking about it at all. But, the more I thought of it the more I got excited. I began to realize how amazing it would be! The whole goal of being a missionary is to bring others to Christ, to serve, and to help those in need. What is the best thing that you could do but serve for six months or more? There is no pay, there is nothing I am getting back for it, I will just be helping others. What better way to spend my time than that? :) This is something I have always wanted but now I realize just how real it is. It is coming so close that I can finally turn in my papers. I have about three months until I can. Im reading my scriptures more and more and studying Preach my Gospel. It brings the spirit in my life and I am so much happier when I am doing these things. I want to serve him more and more. If the Lord wants me to, I will go. If I am told that it is something I should do I am soooo happy that there is something that I can do to help him in any way possible. :)



http://www.lds.org

The miracles of Modern Medicine

You know, before this illness that I have had this past week or so, I have not really been a fan of medicines. I mean I was glad we had them and I thought they were great, but I never really had much of an ongoing participation with them. As of late, I used benadryl ( I dont know how to spell it..) and nyquill. I could finally sleep!! It was great! So it made me really grateful that we have medicine to make our lives a little more bareable. :) We are really blessed these days to have so many things that can help us! I think that I am going to go outside and do something fun because I am getting really restless just chiling in the house..its driving me crazy! I cant stay inside for too long. Its so cave like and I love being out in the outdoors. Its goregeous!! well, ta ta for now.

Want to be happy?

There are a lot of things I am grateful for. There are a million things that I have been blessed with that make me happy and makes my life just that much more enjoyable.
One of those things is the Book of Mormon.
I have been reading it more these days and I have really been given a lot more in return than what I give to read it. I cant tell you how many great lessons I have learned all in only two days. I have been reading it ever since I was a young girl but there are such simple but very important truths that I realize saturate the book. There are so many amazing stories of men and women that sacrifice things for Heavenly father and you see how eternally blessed they are for it. It makes me realize that in the moment it may not seem like choosing the right is appealing but in the long run it give so much more than you could ever dream.
There is a saying that has been abused throughout the church. It goes like this: "He never said it was easy, he just said it was worth it" I am sorry to say but you should look in the Book of Mormon and you will find that he actually does say that it is easy. He said that a lot of people don't choose the right because of the "easiness of the way". Choosing the right makes life so much easier and bearable. I can attest to that. My life is so much sweeter when I do all that I can. Ive been struggling with something in my life for a very long time. Its threatened my life a few times, but Ive stuck with it. Times were the toughest when I tried to do it on my own, or when I grew bitter and did things that I knew were bad for me or that werent right. It is only when I calm down, really look deep inside myself and I cry to the Lord and beg for forgivness and help that things begin to brighten. There is a peace that begings to grow inside me, I smile more often, I laugh more, I live more.
No one is perfect, and he never expects us to be. He just wants us to try. "Endure to the end and Ye shall be saved." I know he lives and that he loves everyone, even if they do not believe he exsists or if they believe wholeheartedly in him. His love is unconditional, which is great news for people like me who screw up more than I could count. :) But we are blessed with the Atonement. We are blessed with our dear Savior, Jesus Christ. :) Seeing his name just makes me want to smile! The more you ask for forgivness, the more real the atonment becomes.

-Its as if we are children and we decide we want to climb on the counter and grab a cookie from the high shelves. In our greedy process we fall and cut ourselves. We cry out for our father and ask for his help. (But he cant come unless we ask, he has given us free agency to choose if we want him in our lives) He comes running over to our side, picks us up and takes us to the couch. As he bandages our cut we cry bitterly. "Im so sorry, I was just trying to get a cookie. I am sorry." He smiles and cleans the cut. "its okay, thats what I am here for." We sniffle. "Are you mad?" And still he smiles, gently applying ointment. "Of course not." Then, from behind wet eyelashes we ask meekly. "Why? I dont deserve this..You shouldnt be helping me..I am a bad person. I steal cookies. You told me not to and theyre bad for me too..." By now he's done, the band-aid saftly in place, our leg on the mend. He gathers us in his arms and we feel his voice rumbling through his chest. "Of course you dont deserve it." he laughs quietly. "I just love you so much, I hate to see you hurt. You mean so much to me. I just want you to be happy."-

I know none of us deserve his grace. But I also know that I am so eternally grateful for it. I know that we are nothing without him. He is not some angry God just waiting to punish us. He can be our greatest ally, our best mentor, our best of friends, our dear Savior. I do not know a happier place than being held in the arms of such a glorious and perfect being. Just have faith. Just have hope. Trust in him, ask him for help, and Endure. Sure, there will be things in our life that will seem to hedge up our way, but he has said in the scriptures that

"And the Lord shall help them, and deliver them: he shall deliver them from the wicked, and save them, because they trust in him." Psalms 37:40 And not just deliver us from the wicked, but from sadness, sorrow, or difficulties. Its like going without shoes in tough terrian. Its silly. Just wear the darn shoes! :) But sometimes hardships are persistant and there is a lesson to be learned. But the Lord will make the burden light, he will make it easier and bearable. Trust me, I know from first hand experience. :)

Its hard when we fight with our imperfections. Just try your hardest, and when you make a mistake ( and you will, more than you know) just ask for forgivness, strength, and help. I am completely sure that He is only so glad to help. For "God’s work and glory is to bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of man" Moses 1: 39. and "Men are that they might have joy" 2 Nephi 9:18

Hey, this is what I see it as. "Cheer up Charlie" :)
Life can be great!! Life can be exciting!! Just have faith, and never ever ever give up. :) Find joy in the moment, thats the lesson I think we should all learn. No circumstance can change our outlook if it is not determintate on what is going on around us. If it is anchored on an eternal and unchanging being that is perfect and full of joy, we will always have his peace and deep and lasting joy.

Dont forget it," O remember, remember, my sons, the words which king Benjamin spake unto his people; yea, remember that there is no other way nor means whereby man can be saved, only through the atoning blood of Jesus Christ, who shall come; yea, remember that he cometh to redeem the world."

Mosiah 4: 30 "remember, and perish not"

Just keep swimming! :) and when your swiming, be happy. Life is good.

My father

Alright, Im not sure how many people have heard about this but some lady was killed by being trampled on in a mad rush on black friday or whatever the heck its called. (the day when there are apparently great deals in stores after thanksgiving) That really made me sad. What is the world coming to? Kind of lost faith in humanity. But..I have just realized that no matter how bad people may be there are amazing people out there.
My father, of all people, is my hero. There are things that I have gone through that only he knows about because he is my protector and my best friend. I feel like I can go to him about ANYTHING and he wont judge me, think less of me, or treat me ill for what I had done. My father is truly an amazing man. I have been so blessed. I would say so even if i wasnt his daughter. Ever since he was young he always did the smart, wise, kind thing. He was the peacemaker in his family ( though I know that his siblings were amazing people as well. I really respect them all. They come from great parents, my grammy and papa) and he, without going to college, exceeded in his career choices. He was manager over people who had masters degrees and such. He has made his own buisness and it has blossomed under his wise decisions. I am his biggest fan. (second only to my mom) He taught himself how to sail by reading books about it. By reading books he has learned how to do many things. His mind is so strong and his wisdom is that of a man who has worked hard for it.

Something that touches my heart the most is that he has loved me and wanted me in his life ever since he was a child. Apparently he had a Charlie Brown doll that he would take care of like a child. He had a dream about me and Mckenna. Ever since he was young he wanted to be a father. I can tell by how he treats me that I mean the world to him. He calls me all the time and leaves me the best messages that I save and listen to whenever I feel sad or alone. He has helped me through the toughest of times. Through everything he has never lost faith in me. I know that I have done many things to take away his love from me or make him not respect me or feel hurt, but he has always forgiven me, always loved me, and always respected me no matter how much I deserved it. (I never deserve it) Whenever I am confused about something or I need a helping hand I know that I can talk to him and he will help me. My father has the most tender heart and taught me the beauty of Mercy. My father is truly my best friend. I am so blessed to have him as a father and I hope that I can carry on his legacy and be a good mother to my children. I am truly blessed. I love my Dad so much. I am eternally indebted to him.

Thats us as a family, Mckenna is taking the picture so she's not there, neither is Stevie because he was at home. (were in Mckenna and richard's apartment.) I am sitting between my mom and dad

Real men WILL NEVER SPARKLE.

Okay so Im brunette now. The minute I felt the dye touch my scalp I cringed. Yes..I regretted it. But..I am thinking once I go back then I will finally have the dying bug out of my system. Its better brown than pink or blue, right?

So I have to let off some steam..I just recently saw Twilight. Ya ya ya, Im a girl so I MUST love twlight, riiight? Oh heck no. And if I were the dangerous type to swear you know what id say instead of heck. Are you serious? Ok, so the story line is fairly interesting. I read it, guilty. But did I enjoy it? Some parts, but not at the end when I felt like I was going to puke. Or when Bella was all over Edward. What in heavens name does she see in the guy? He freaking wants to eat her..Im sorry but I do not find that sexy one single bit. If some guy were to say "Your blood smells so yummy I just want to eat you." Id probably put a restraining order on the dude. Even if he was bruce Willis, and if you know me you know that means a heck of a lot. (seeing as I would love to be with Bruce in so many ways possible, that is not in real life cuz he's probably a jerk.)
Anyways, the movie was like the book. The only part I liked about it was the bad guys. They were hard core. I was rooting for them the whole time. Especially the main bad guy. Whew! If he were edward id be wearing those " I love Edward" shirts any day. But instead Edward is a skinny, weird, psycho. He is so ugly I almost puked when I heard all the little girls, and might I add fairly older women, swooning over the guy. Pleeeease. (im going to get killed for writting this)
I feel bad for my Sister and brother in law. They liked it, and I just had to gag. But hey, they can like him and the movie/books all they want. Fine with me. Just dont ask me to swoon over the pansy. Cuz you wont see me doing it unless I am on drugs and someone was going to give me 2 million bucks.
One last thing..A GUY THAT SPARKLES?? You have GOT to be kidding me!! What the *#*%&*#&%&^%^#*@??! Are you sure he doesnt want to hook up with Jacob black and using Bella as a front?! For heavens sakes!! If my guy sparkled..well, he wouldnt be my guy any longer. Sorry to any guy who naturally sparkles. Tough luck. And in the movie when Edward tells Bella that he watched her sleep...okay, you dont have something better to do than watch her sleep ALL night? If a guy told me that id wonder how large his brain was. How does he even form sentences? Give me a freaking break.
Sorry to everyone who owns a "Real men sparkle" T-shirt (gag). At least you guys are so preoccupied with a ...ahem...gay vampire, that I can have real men like Bruce Willis. I dont care how old he is, he is hardcore, and I have not heard any accounts that he sparkles. Thank heavens.

Ps. Obsession is not sexy. Its freaky. I want someone to be in love with me, not freaking obsessed. And I therefore have never been, nor ever will be, obsessed with any man. Thats just weird.

Adventure

So I just got back from a quick adventure outside and it was soo great! The sun was setting, brilliant and poignant. I could imagine myself licking the sky and tasting the blistering sunset, swallowing deep as it scorched my throat, filling my belly with intensifying warmth, trickling down my arms and legs to my toes and fingers. I felt warm just watching it. The purples were dusty, the reds were seered across the sky like angry eyes or a burning devil. I was entranced, walking backwards on the pavement, not being able to tear my eyes away from the carnage of the sky.
I walked down the road a ways until I got to the railroad tracks that crossed the tracks. I followed them a while and then climbed atop an abandonded tank car. (Pulled by trains, they are the round ones that hold gasses mostly)I sat on the top and watched the sunset, not thinking, just watching and feeling. I looked over the whole expanse of the town and gazed at the bright temple on the highest point of Rexburg. It was quiet except for the distant sound of cars which I didnt even register in my reverie. After watching the sunset calm into a peaceful sleep, its breath soft in its repose, I climbed down and walked slowly on the tracks. Still, there were no thoughts in my mind, the calmness of the oncoming night wiped them away, dragging them into the ground around me. There was only the fresh air that pumped through my lungs, enlivening my blood.
After some time climbing on different tank cars trying to find the best perch, I finally headed back home because the darkness urged me to my safe abode. Walking back I saw that the track seemed to lead on forever, unbending and as straight as a pointing finger. I felt mesmerized and almost hypnotized wanting to walk as far as I could on the neverending road. Although the spell was only broken moments later when I happened to spy a loose nail. It was very large and rusted but I picked it up proud of my rare find.
Seeing that the roads were being traveled by me and me alone I was filled with a giddyness. I began to whistle. I soon found myself skipping to the song sung by the scarecrow in The Wizard of Ozz. Carrying on like a mad woman for the duration of my walk back home, I was filled with a sense of fufillment and peace. I had had my mini adventure for the day and had organized plans in my head to endeavor on another yet more extravagant one in the morning. This way I would be able to go everywhere and not worry about the dark ruining my fun.
This is my way of feeling alive. This is my way of being myself, where the real and content Caitlin awakes and plays. The world is my backyard, my playground. I live for things like this and will, forever.

Peaceful Sunday

It smells delicious outside. It smells like roast beef and ham.( maybe its turkey) Its soooo yummy. I wanted to wander around knocking on people's doors asking who was making dinner that smelled so good. I wonder if they would let me have a taste. ;) jk So its pretty outside and almost magical. I know that sounds dorky but its like an energy in the air that you can feel, almost smell. (or maybe that was the mouthgwatering aroma) I really enjoyed taking a quick walk outside. I think i'll go back out there and climb on the trains and just chill (literatly because its pretty cold outside) and just relax, listen to all the cool sounds that there are out in the world. Its so quiet when you just sit and listen. Quiet in a busy way sometimes. Sometimes in a lazy way, sometimes in just a vacant way because there arent enough people or animals around to make any noises. Its nice I think. I would rather

Word of the Day: Halcyon- calm; peaceful; tranquil. "Halcyon weather."

Coloring

So..Ive been bored with my hair and I want to do something fun. Maybe because Im bored and I just like doing something exciting once in a while. (like dying it black like I did not too long ago) I want to be my natural hair color but at the same time I just want to go all out and get this out of my system before I am supposed to be mature. ;) I am really not caring about looking attractive, I just want to look how I want. Not like intense weird or anything, but just different. Maybe this is really immature and I just need to buckle down and stay away from the hair isle at the store. But these are my ideas=
Blonde with brown streaks
a light brown
Bright blonde
Bright blonde with a black streak
A red streak (subtle)
or blue. lol
So..I kind of need some input. let me know!!!

thanks

Sleep

I had a dream about puppies last night, which is new because usually I have dreams of Kittens. They were soo cute! :) I really really really want a puppy. An alaskan husky and a beagle. I love dogs. I also want a kitten too. In the dream I could also turn into a bird and fly with my little sister Bekah. We were going to turn into birds (she turned into a swallow only and I could turn into any bird I wanted) but she couldn't because there were these doves that would eat her. lol So I just carried her instead but for some reason that day I couldnt turn into a bird. Weird huh? I have the strangest dreams, escpecially recently. :)

Word of the day: a desire or craving: I had a yen for apple pie.
n. A strong desire or inclination; a yearning or craving.
intr.v. yenned, yen·ning, yens
To have a strong desire or inclination; yearn.

.....

lol I just realized my last post was titled "ANGER MANAGEMENT" and the one before that was "dont worry be happy"...hmm...can I say bipolar or something of the sort?

Word of the day: quixotic- extravagantly chivalrous or romantic; visionary, impractical, or impracticable. Impulsive and often rashly unpredictable.

ANGER MANAGMENT

OOoww...Yes, I am complaining...freaking sore muscles make me feel like an invalid(or however you spell it. dont judge me!!) . But thats okay because I love it and I am addicted and cannot stop. BTW, I love free tasters at Broulims. I stood there next to a free cereal stand (no one was there to stop me..mwahaha) and munched on it for lunch. tehehe Besides, even if a clerk did come up when I was mid-munching/grabbing they wouldnt yell at me, Im just an innocent looking girl. Beware the innocent blue eyes....;) mwaha

Okay, So I was watching the last show of bones (haha, funny show-minus the lesbian loving because I thought that she was MUCH better off with hodgins cuz he is a stud) and Booth and Bones could have kissed but they didnt. Stupid show that keeps you hanging by the lack of romance between the two main characters. Darn them!! DARN THEM!!

Dont worry, be happy

Bonjour. I am feeling french today. Want to know my schedule for school next semester? well, even if you didnt want to know here it is:
Concentration
Notes and listening
Time management
Writing foundations
Old testament
Personal health and wellness

These are not my most favorite classes because these are only night classes and online classes because I am still off-track. Heyyy!!! update!! So Apparently I DID get approved for a cluster in both Art illustration and Philosophy!! :D :D happy day! THAT means that I can, after taking all the classes for the art cluster, switch my philosophy cluster to a minor. That way I can get more of the juicy classes they have here. ya ya ya Im stoked

Word of the day: Blithe- Meaning Joyous or merry;cheerful. "Everyone loved him for his blithe spirit"

Tired and so so hungry

SOooo...I am going to start training for the marathon. Its exciting really, kind of crazy, but I am sooo stoked. Today I exercised for an hour. I had forgotten to eat lunch and so I was soooo hungry by the time I was done. I almost started eating myself, which I am sure thats what my stomach was doing, eating its own linning. Ew, Gross. I can be such a guy sometimes.
So when I was running I was listening to some music that I love to dance to when I am in my room and It was SO tempting to start dancing. It took all of my self preservation to stop my limbs from spazzing out. I liked watching people running next to me when I had finally reached the gym. (I ran to the gym and then ran in the gym) Its so hard to keep a straight face when I see girls with their little sweat towels and their make-up all done and hair all cute. There I am sweating like freaking pig with no make-up on whatsoever. Poor guys at the gym. I probably scared most of them. Too bad...;)
But when I was on the stair stepper (I got to shake my bum on that because it doesnt look as funny so I was technically dancing..heh heh heh) there was a show on that was crazy. I usually dont pay attention to the TV cuz I feel weird excersicing my body but killing my brain at the same time. But the show was about a kid who had hair growing EVERYWHERE. She looked like monkey. It was so sad. I was thinking about what it would be like. No matter how nice someone is, the first thing we see we judge the person we saw. Its a flaw of mankind. Anyways, it was really interesting beacause they can't find a cure but theyre still looking for one. I sure hope, for the kids sake in having a normal life, that they do.
Heres a picture. crazy huh? Poor kid.

Funny

Things that make me laugh= Jim Gaffigan
-People who think they're cool
-kids, especially when theyre hyper.
-Rap; its gay
-Gangster walk
-Guys who think they're hardcore.
-People in the bathroom who grunt and moan
-Farts (admit it, its hilarious)
-Funny dancing
-Eddie Izzard
-People who are silly
-Immaturity
-Uptight guys who sing like girls
-Being tickled
-Watching someone get tickled
-Dumb jokes I come up with
-Watching people look at me funny because my joke was not funny at all
-Hearing my mom laugh
-Listening to Bekah say something ridiculous like screaming, quite seriously, "IM NOT A NORMAL CHILD!!"
-Babies smiling
-Watching Mckenna and Richard tease each other
-Being told a blond joke and not getting why its funny
-Forgetting something really important, like a guy's name on a date..whoooops
-Dancing at work
-Someone acting sheepish
-Someone catching me laughing at something I thought of in my head that is WAY too embarrassing to say aloud.
-Watching someone do the Robot
-My Friend Joey
-Dancing like a maniac to the Cars in the Car (hahaha) at a stop light and not seeing a laughing pedestrian until its too late...
-Tripping when your running by a main street
-Watching someone trip when you drive by
-Getting hyper off of M&M's
-Watching someone singing their heart out in the car
-Catching a guy picking his nose HARDCORE in the car beside you
-A perfectly placed joke
-"your mom.." way over done, but I still say it because I cant think of a better come back
-Running and jumping into a hug and then being spun around
-Hanging upside down on the edge of a couch or bed
-Pretending to walk on the roof when you are upside down
-Coming up with the most ridiculous laugh
-My friend Erica
-My Dad and his perfect corny jokes
-When my mom says something risque, totally out of character
-Jumping on a trampoline
-Old people
-Farting in public, its all our worst fears but when it happens it really gives you a laugh attack
-Saying something that could be taken wrong
-The show Bones
-Doing something absent minded
-Saying something STUPID because you were nervous

wow, its about 2:15 am and I have finally finished making my blog. Whew. Anybody who said that blogging is for the faint hearted was gruesomely wrong.
So, I am now living with my sister and her husband in their two bedroom apartment. Its pretty much for free and you know what? I'll finish this later. lol Im too tired to think straight. I will post a real blog (even though I could have waited but I was just so excited that I had to post something, even if it is of no consequence.) later tomorrow. I guess we will see if I ever get out of bed. Lets hope I do, because I really would like to run an hour tomorrow.
Wish me luck! ;)