Sunday, September 27, 2009
Fun Fun Saturday!
Because of that I started to tell him that instead of the ipod we were going to get stuff for him. That was when I first realized what he had been doing for so long. I would say that I wanted something and without him saying anything he would buy me the thing but inside he had been planing on buying something else but sacrificed it for me. As soon as I realized this I took him aside at a store and told him, in my very forceful stubborn way "We are buying you some new and nice looking stuff for you, no matter what you say. We are not buying me the ipod so you have about 100 dollars or so." He started by protesting that I really wanted the ipod and it was no big deal, but I insisted. It was also then that I realized that he would be so quiet and sweet about things that I would start to forget about my resolve. For example: We walked into target and I saw a cute shirt with a jack-o-lantern on it and started talking about how cute it was, not really realizing what I was saying. He said "well, why dont we get it? You think its cute and it would look cute on you." I started to get all excited about it but then I turned and pointed at him"YOU! You....You sly dog you! Today is all about you and we are not buying anything for me. You are pretty tricky you know?" he only laughed sheepishly and replied "Well, I would much rather buy you things and make you happy than buy things for me." It made me realize, as I do so many times, he is one of the most sweetest people I know.
Luckily, I am just as stubborn, or more so, as he so by the end of the night we had successfully bought three nice shirts, undershirts/garments, two jackets, and a pair of shoes. I wish we had gotten more but we ran out of time and resources. The cutest thing was when we got home. Of course he started helping me unload the groceries but I shooed him away and told him he needed to look at his new stuff because I could tell he was excited. He hurried and began to put his clothes and shoes on and started walking around the house, looking in a mirror, and acting like he was trying on his clothes for back-to-school, like high school or something. I thought it was the cutest thing. I loved seeing him so excited. He kept thanking me over and over again because the last time he spent a legit amount of money on himself (clothes wise) was senior year in high school! It was the funnest thing ever. He is so sweet and so cute, it was such a blast to spend the whole day with him and follow him and be his human clothing holder/fashion consultant. It was awesome! :D
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
Marriage, good or ill?
I had heard many mixed responses from people when I asked the question "How do you like being married?" I asked it over and over to anyone I met that was married. I got answers like "Its really hard, sometimes I wonder if its worth it." or "Its wonderful! The best thing ever!" or "Its hard work but its worth it." or "Stay single as loooong as you can." or "Marriage is alright. Its no big deal I guess." It baffled me, how can one question have so many different answers?
I have discovered that it is the same as beauty, it is all in the eye of the beholder. In the first weeks it was blissful and I wondered "how could anyone tell me that marriage was so bad?" Then people would tell me "your still in the honeymoon faze, you will soon hate each other." or "The first few months were terrible! If you make it after two your good to go." We have been married for about two months now, almost three. My conclusion? Unchanged. It is all about what you want to see it as.
If someone were to ask me what marriage was like, first I would tell them I am biased because I have only been married three months. Second, I would say that it all depends on the person. For me, it is amazing, the most wonderful thing I could ever have imagined. Why? Not in spite of hard work, some misunderstandings, rough times, or disagreements, but because of them. I want to liken it to a hobby. For me its writing, or running, or baking, or painting. The process is difficult, but it is so worth it because I enjoy the process as well as the finished product. I would not enjoy running as much as I do if it were easy. I like it because I am challenged, because when I feel my muscles screaming "STOP!!" I push past it, I feel a sense of triumph when I do not give in to my weakness. Same as when I am painting. I come to a road block, it looks dumb or I think that the colors dont look right. I hear "GIVE UP!!", but I dont, I press on because its all about what I will end up with after my toils. It is the same as marriage, you work hard for things to be good. It isnt good on its own, it can't flourish without watering, it needs attention, care, and love.
For me, I wouldn't want to marry into a perfect marriage with the perfect guy. Why? Because I am not perfect. I would feel uncomfortable, left behind, or even more insecure. But, because I married a man who is maturing, with a constantly maturing relationship, I can feel comfortable because I too am flawed, but progressing. (At least I hope) Its all about your perspective. Nothing that is of worth does not have some kind of work in it, whether it be ongoing or in the past or future, everything has work in it. Work is probably the golden word of the universe. Work is amazing, but sometimes difficult. But as I said before, without the difficult it would no longer be worth it. A diamond takes a very long time to come into existence, and because of that fact it is of so much worth.
To those contemplating marriage, marriage is only wonderful when you find the person that you can truly be yourself with and that helps you grow. Dont settle. I didn't and I knew that I didn't have to, I knew that if I just stayed with it I would find a man that was both my best friend and my dream lover. I am happy to say that yes, he is mortal. He does make mistakes, but I love him not in spite of his faults, but because of his faults. I think he is adorable when he makes a mistake and when he accidentally says something that may hurt my feelings I know that he does not mean to and that he loves me. I am very very very very very very very very very very very VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY lucky to have him in my life, to bless me with his adoring attitude, with his selflessness, with his kindness, with his honesty, with his loyalty, with his faith, with his fun, with his attractiveness, with his forgiveness, with his patience, with his physical touch, with his wisdom, with his intelligence, with his dreams, and with his aspirations. I cannot live without him. I do not want to. But, at the same time I know that if he were gone (which tears me apart to think about) I know that I could live a full life because of the lessons he taught me, because of his faith in me, and because of him inspiring me from all of his big dreams. I could not have asked for a better man. Looking back at all of the men that I dated, he surpasses them all with flying colors. I am just so grateful that #1. I waited. #2. I didnt settle #3. I was able to go to the temple with him to be able to be with him forever. #4. that he, for some odd reason, finds that I am worth his time, effort, and love.
My advice? To the already married who may not be satisfied: Serve. I noticed that if I am ever cranky or not feeling my best, whenever I serve Jake things are so much better because he is happy. If he is happy, then it bleeds into my attitude. To the single and searching: hang in there, but don't be so picky and expect someone perfect. Just look for "just right for you", Not Mr. Right/Mr. Perfect, but Mr. right for me. Jake is perfect for me, but not for every girl (thank heavens). And don't expect marriage to be horrible because then it will be, expect hard work but WONDERFUL results.
Marriage is a dying cause. The reason? I believe it is because of our selfish and anti-work society that has pumped us full as "make yourself happy first" or "you shouldnt have to work so hard." and such. Try and look past that. If you do things will most likely become better.
Thursday, June 25, 2009
Life only comes once, why complain the whole way?

So recently I found out something about my body that I didnt really like. At first I was alright with it but then I was slowly taken in to self pity and mini-despair. I was bitter for the things that I would have to give up, simple pleasures that I had indulged in many times. Someone told me that I could not do what I always enjoyed doing, telling me what I could and could not do, and I became angry. I wanted to say that no one can tell me what to do, I didn't even deserve it. I had taken so good of my body, so much better than so many other people, and here I was suffering for what? While other people snacked on chips, my snack was a bag of fresh spinach. Really? What had I done? So why can every other person eat whatever they like and be okay, and here I am making sure that I never have a problem and I am the one who gets screwed. Is life ever fair?
Friday, June 12, 2009
"I am in love with a boy"

Wednesday, June 10, 2009
Tell me something I didnt know. ps. Bring it on diabetes
Monday, June 8, 2009
25 cent cookie, million dollar lesson

Wednesday, June 3, 2009
Not afraid of being a woman.

Being a woman
I believe this whole arguement really comes down to extremes and the stubbornness of both sides limiting both parties from really participating in a life with all blessings. The women’s movement was not all bad. In the “Declaration of Sentiments” , similiar to the declaration of independence for a change of women’s rights, it states that “he [the government] has denied her the facilities for obtaining through education, all colleges being closed against her”. This was a big problem in educating women. When the government restrained such a chance it was hurting its own people because an uneducated mother will not be able to teach her children to think and to use their minds. Women’s rights gave women a chance to vote and to be equal to a man in the law, therefore proving that women, though different, have every right to participate in their government and the creation of their country.
But, on the other side women took it too far in some aspects. When it turned to abortion and becoming a man in the workplace it turned into a war of "who wants to be a man" but not only who wants to be a man but in the topic of abortion, who wants to be the most unfeeling. For me, I appreciate some of the things that were acheived in the women’s right movement, but I am also not afriad of my own femminity. I enjoy being a women and the things that I have the chance to do because I am a women. The roles that God gave us are to nurture, love, teach, and to help govern our children with our husbands. The role of a women is every bit as important as a man’s, but I do not pretend to think that mine is any more than my husbands nor would I want to be fufill my husbands roles.
A man’s role is to provide for his family and make sure that they are taken care of. A man’s body even bears testiment of that, he naturally having more muscule mass and the hormones to increase the size of his muscles cells. On the contrary, my body is soft and tender, made to carry and hold my children and keep them warm and emmotionally protected. There is no way would I want to be the man because his work is very demanding and if I were made to work outside of the home I know that I would not be able to provide as effectivly because I would be so emmotionally torn up because I was not fufilling my roles that have been instilled in my very soul. I WANT to be with my tender adorable children. They are the essence of innocence. I would not give up the chance to be with them always, to love and cherish them, for the world. I have been a woman since I was created, both soul and body, and I do not wish to deny that. I find glory in my feminity, but I also see that because I am much needed on this earth I am equal in my importance as men. Together we are the yin and yang, but if I were to try and be the yang as well I would deny the blessings of my womanhood to my husband, my children, society, to myself, and most importantly to my Father in Heaven.
I do not pretend to say that any woman who has a career is evil and manly. Some desire that more and have no other choice or may be able to do both. I am excited when I can continue to give back to society when I have the chance to become a teacher or an editor or a nutritionist (or whatever career I find most fulfilling). Its all about seeing what is most important and helpful to all. But I encourage every woman to think for themselves and question extremist of both sides, whether it be a homemaker or a women's activist. A homemaker should never be a slave and a women in society should never be treated less than she is. But dont let either side speak so loudly that you have no chance to think for yourself.
Monday, April 20, 2009
:)

Right now Jake just fell asleep on my couch. There is a pillow propped on my legs so he can lay down. He's had a rough day. He had to get up at 3:30 am and he's had so many things to get taken care of; in short he is wiped out! It was so cute cuz just when he was falling asleep he started to snore. (He's still snoring a bit now) I giggled quietly as to not wake him. He's the sweetest most wonderful guy ever. Every time I look at him, see him, or hear him I cant believe how lucky I am. I say that all of the time but its like my mind wont wrap around it! Its like a dream! I know he's not perfect or anything, but he's such a great guy. Its so cute, we'll go out and he will become best friends to any and everyone we run across. People just love him because he genuinely cares about them. I think its so sweet. He treats people with such kindness that I am so proud to be on his arm. I just hope that I can make him as happy as he makes me. I couldn't have every dreamed of being with a better man. I actually stopped believing there was such a man like him alive. I doubted the possibility of a guy being sweet, kind, adoring, fun, funny, caring, attractive, talented, silly, smart, spiritual, hard working, thoughtful, tough, wise, deep, intelligent, friendly, all around amazing guy. I know we will have hard times, when either one or both of us get on each others nerves, but I would not want anyone else to be with me all of my life than him. I have never felt this way towards ANYONE ever. I really am blessed. And I cant really ever describe it, or give it justice. Just know that I am so happy and so incredibly lucky to have Jake in my life.
My mosaic

Step 2: In another window open http://bighugelabs.com/flickr/mosaic.php
Step 3: Choose 4 columns, 3 rows
Monday, April 13, 2009
Luckiest girl ever
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
There is no end
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
I am so thankful!
Pompous Windbags.
Thursday, March 26, 2009
I am the wind
Friday, March 20, 2009
A voice silenced is a step closer to Hell.
Monday, March 16, 2009
Tips on managing stress
My love

Wednesday, March 11, 2009
What in the world is going on?
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
come on now, use your mind.
Thursday, March 5, 2009
Saving a lady bug

Friday, February 27, 2009
Squishy Oatmeal
The morning comes creeping in
with deceiving light and shrouded sun.
My blankets hold me tight against the mattress
But I fight
and land on my feet
Dazed;
hair reaching towards the sky.
Stumbling;
I am a Frankenstein-ish creation
The clock is disapproving
Walking out into the kitchen
I see that my t-shirt extends
past my shorts.
It looks like I have no pants.
I laugh;
my poor roommates.
My oatmeal refuses to cook,
burning its bottom on the pot.
But I flop,
reclined in the recliner
and
eat the unburnt oatmeal.
Honey sweetened, it melts down my throat.
Tip-a-tee-tap of the keyboard
Silence:
broken by an occasional singsong of my phone.
Homework gnaws religiously at the back of my mind.
My running shoes are poised in my closet.
Yet,
I sit here,
adhered to plushy fabric
Eating squishy oatmeal
I wonder...
How much time am I wasting?
I laugh again.
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
So badly

I lay in my bed
content but wanting
skin bare and cold
snuggled in my blankets
feeling a claw clamp on my heart;
digging with poison of loneliness.
I close my eyes
I imagine your arms around me
I wish it so deeply
I want it so badly.
When will my heart be able to find a home
amidst all this turmoil and distress?
and rest.
I close my eyes
I imagine your arms around me
I wish it so deeply
I want it so badly.
I need you closer than you are now
I need to feel your breath on my neck;
to smell your shirts.
I want to bury myself in your chest;
never to leave.
There is a place ive saved for you
no one has taken.
mon cher, my dear,
hold me as close as you can
and i'll always stay.
without you im only half.
A shore without the ocean.
a night sky with no stars
a weary head without a pillow
white piano keys without the ebony.
mi querido, my dear,
hold me with your warm arms
kiss me tenderly
soft lips and soft eyes.
The sun will be brighter
and the world will be brilliant.
Your ghost lies beside me
I feel warmer with your thought
I feel safer knowing you exist;
sleeping and dreaming.
I just wish I knew who you were.
I close my eyes
I imagine your arms around me
I wish it so deeply
I want it so badly.
Someday we will be in bliss
wrapped in joy.
There wont be need to need
I will rock your world
and you will rock mine.
Monday, February 23, 2009
poor little egg....
Last night I had some crazy dreams and I woke up TOTALLY happy that they weren't real. I LOVE that feeling. When I woke up I was in a pretty good mood, singing Bob Marley songs pretty loud as I snarfed down a baked potato. Yum. I love potatoes. Probably more than I should. haha I can hear my boiling egg bouncing around in my pot. I feel so inhumane...its like its begging me to free him from a slow and painful death. yikes, thats kind of morbid. Its more like he's dancing! Cant wait for me to eat him! :D hahaha
Im wearing my yellow shirt so I feel pretty chipper today. Im super nervous for tongith because for our ward's talent show I decided to play the piano. Im feeling pretty retarded because there are MILLIONS of people a whole lot better than me, I just like playing in front of people because it gets me all excited and I can really get into my song. I also like practicing before because its like a goal I have. so yea....i dont really care if I mess up or not, im just excited to play like old times.
You know, I realized that I dance like all of the time. I dance when there is no music, when there is, with people, and without. My mom told me that when I was little and they put on any kind of music Id start shaking my hips, whether I seemed to mean to or not. They would do it on purpose to watch what I would do. Sometimes I would try not to, but I could never restrain myself for long. hahaha I think thats funny because I still do that. I go to the store and I hear a song on the radio and I start dancing in the isles, totally oblivious to the fact that I most likely look pretty silly. oh well. hahaha
im going to go eat my egg now. ta ta
Saturday, February 21, 2009
Going on a mission
So...I realized that I can start working on my mission papers!! :D I'm sooooo excited! I have a meeting with the bishop this Sunday to talk about it because I have NO idea what I have to do. Its such an exciting prospect, but a part of me is very nervous that I wont be a good effective missionary. I prayed about it recently to help me not to be too nervous and last night I was reading in Alma 26 and it was very comforting when I read in verse 27 : ".. and bear with patience thine afflictions, and I will give unto you success" talking about how Ammon and his friends converted all of the lamanites that were bloodthirsty and pretty nasty before they were converted. I love the stories about Ammon and his brethern because it shows that when people put the Lord first in their life they become great couragous people. (like when the "anti-nephi-lehites" let the lamanites kill them as they knelt praying to God) It helped me realize that to be a good missionary you dont have to be an amazing person, you just have to trust in the Lord, be humble, love the people you teach, and serve them and everyone. Heavenly father will support me and guide me. I dont want to be pushy because I think that everyone has a right to their beliefs as I do to mine. If someone wants to listen to me then I will be glad because then I know that they can come to a knowledge that I have that brings me sooo much joy.
The reasons I want to be a missionary:
1. I can serve people 24/7
2. Becoming closer to the Lord
3. Tell people of wonderful things
4. Watch people change
5. Become more responsible
6. Help bring joy into people's lives
7. Spread the gospel that families can be together forever, that we are so loved by our Heavenly father, that Christ sacrificed his life for us and that he can make our lives filled with joy, and that we can grow and become great.
Some people believe that Mormons are pushy, and some are, but most of us respect other people's views. (Gordan B. Hinkley our past prophet encourages us to treat all views, creeds, and religions with respect) The only reason why some become very zealous is because they want to share their joy with others. I also want to be a missionary because then I can also get to know other churches. My brother in law, before he want on a mission, studied a lot of other churches so that he could understand how they believed and so that he could show that he respect their beliefs. I thought that is cool and I really want to do that. Everyone has some truth. I want to learn more about Buddhists and Muslims.
Monday, February 16, 2009
Secret found
One of the things that it said was to visualize and imagine what it would be like to have your dreams to come true. They talked about having a dream board where you post pictures of the things that you wanted. (I highly recommend watching this movie. I haven't read the book so I cant recommend it until I have read it.) They said that it was good to focus on things that you want, things that are good in life, instead of things that you dont want to happen because you then focus on the negative. So, instead of saying "I dont want to be poor." you say "I want to be prosperous." Instead of "I dont want to fail my classes." say: " I want to get good grades." I think its a great idea!
I am now in the mood to kick butt! :) hahaha well, more like my own butt into gear.
Its nice to hear that when you focus on the positive, positive things happen. It makes sense because, for example, when you focus on something with your eyes as you walk, you start to veer towards the thing you are looking at. The mind has more power than I think we would like to admit.
So, after watching this movie, I decided that I would write down the things that I want in my life.
1. To do good in school
2. To find the man of my dreams and fall in madly in love.
3. To be a good and loving wife
4. To be a caring mother
5. To be kind to everyone
6. To find the good things in life
7. Always provide for my children
8. Be active
9. Become smart/wise
10.Always be devoted to Heavenly Father
11. Be a good example to my children
12. Be a loving awesome grandma
13. Always serve my husband
14. Appreciate what I have
15. Use my talents to help others in their lives
16. Pay back my debts from school
17. Somehow unit people of all faiths and creeds
18. Discover something amazing.
19. Learn to paint
These are only some. But today, after I am finished writing it, I am going to make my first 'Dream board' and try and find pictures of the things that I want in my life. Its nice to know that I have the power to make my life whatever I want it to be. The secret is: Its all inside me.

Saturday, February 14, 2009
Jerks that don't understand
"I was just at the store and I was squating down and this guy looks over and turns to his buddy next to him and whispers 'ugly'."
I freeze. Her eyes are getting wide.
"I didnt know what to do so I just stormed out of there." Her eyes are tearing up. "I mean, what kind of jerk says something like that?"
Im gaping, totally and completely shocked.
"They are such jerks!" with that declaration, crying hard, she stomps out of the room and goes into her room.
"What the heck!?" I cry out.
Wrapping myself up in my comforter, I follow her into the room.
She is standing with her back to the door when I first walk in but I know she is crying because her back is hunched and I hear her quiet sobs.
"Candice, Are you okay?" I ask, so horrified by what she just I cant seem to think straight.
"I just can't see why someone would say that!" she cries, shaking and wiping her tears.
"Alright, you give me a good description of this...(I refrain myself from going into explitives) man and I am going to hunt him down and give him a little swift kick." And sadly, I am seriously thinking about it.
She laughs between her sobs.
"Come here candice." I outstrech my arms so when she hugs me we are both covered in my bright orange comforter. I want so badly to make her feel better; I hold her tightly.
Let me just say one thing. Any (*&%(*$#@&@#*8 who thinks that is all right needs to never have children. I was so tempted to go find these guys and yell at them and teach them a lesson, but I guess youve got to be the bigger person. Let me just say one thing, if you make anyone that I care about feel bad, that is one way to get on my bad side, and thats hard to do. I rarely dont like people. You mess with them, you mess with me, and although I am pretty even tempered dont underestimate my ability to stand up for others. Luckily I havent had to do it very often. But I have enough passion to make anyone sorry that they were so low to think that walking over people is okay. Grow up.
Monday, February 9, 2009
Sentements of a girl suffering a concussion.
Reading the Ensign (church magazine) I was humbled by such amazing people that have such faith. There is a woman who is blind, but she is amazingly awesome. It made me want to be like her (when I grow up..;) ) There was another article about prayer and it made me realize that in my own life whenever I needed help with ANYTHING Heavenly Father was there. Even if it was "Heavenly father, I spaced again. Could you help me find my keys?" I bet he chuckles everytime I get on my knees. He probably says to himself and the angels up there "haha whose gonna guess she lost something again? Silly Caitlin." He's got to have a sense of humor. Seriously, he gave me this mind and gave me this face, he's got to have a sense of humor. haha jk. I like my face.
Heres the other thing (cuz I said "two things:..") I think I jossled my brain too much...I hit my head on some people when I was sledding today. It was terribly funny but terribly painful. After I mowed some people down I was looking around, dazed, "Is anyone hurt? Im so sorry, are you okay?" They looked at me like a crazy person. "dude, are YOU okay?" hahaha I loved it though, it was epic. I love sledding. I just want to apologize, I cant seem to think at all right now, I most likely will go rambling on some random subject that makes no sense AT all.
So.............................................................
ummm............................................................
haha periods look cool when you do just press down on the keys..........................................weee....................................................
Okay, I need to go to sleep...I might start REALLY making a fool out of myself.
ps.
dont be stupid about your body. Its an amazing gift. If your bigger than other people just do all you can (exercise reasonably and eat healthy. ) but be grateful for who you are. Seriously, not to be cheesy, but your amazingly beautiful the way you are. If your a girl and you dont get a lot of guys asking you guys out, count yourself lucky. Most guys are pretty shallow and the last thing you want is some guy only wanting you for your body. You'll find someone who appreciates you for who you are.
I dont mean to be graphic but one time I was looking at myself in the mirror and I began to think. Dang, I love my body! hahaha sounds like Im full of myself, but Im not. I am full of gratitude that I HAVE a body. Heavenly father loves me so much that he gave me these little hands that can type how I feel. He gave me these hands so that I could hold a deliscous apple. He gave me my wonderful arms so I could hold those I love and try and show them that I care. He gave me these eyes, which may be legally deemed as blind without contacts, but I am able to see. Theyre blue, and theyre mine. He gave me my tiny little feet so that I could run seven miles. He gave me toes so that I could be amused by their silliness. He gave me a stomach so that I could eat wonderful glorious food! He gave me my hair, though it may be blonde and I wish it were black, it still is wonderful and I can make it look pretty and feminine. He gave me a laugh so that I could enjoy myself. He gave me a mouth so I could smile. He gave me lips so that I could kiss tenderly to show effection. He gave me a heart so that I could live. A mind to think, a tounge to taste. I am so eternally grateful. I am not skinny, I am not fat. I am just me. I dont want to be smaller than I should be, and I dont want to be bigger either. I just want to be healthy and happy. I want to take care of this beautiful body my dear Heavenly Father gave me. My heart brims with joy. I wish that I could show people what I see when I see them. Girls or boys who may be bigger (even if they are healthy or if they are just made that way) that they are beautiful. They really are! Everyone has their own beauty. Im not trying to be insanely cheesy, its really how I think and how I see them. Gawl, I just wish I could hug them, take their face in my hands and take away their pain. I imagine that all the time. Not in a weird stalker way, it just helps me when I dont know what else to do and if Im too shy to actually say something.
Anyways, What I am trying to say is appreciate your body. Keep it healthy, dont think that if you are skinny you will be happy. Skinny people still arent happy. You can be happy in any circumstance you are in. You just need to realize that. You hold the key to your own happiness. Your actions decide that. Im not lecturing. haha at least I dont mean to. :)
let me tell you something, if you pray tonight Heavenly father will bless you. Wether your muslim, protestant, mormon, jewish, Heavenly father loves to hear from all his children. He's just waiting to bless you. I know he loves me, and I know he loves everyone else. Thanks to Christ, I have a smile on my face or in my heart always. life is AMAZING!!
Big hug! :)
Sunday, February 8, 2009
Sleepy night thoughts

It's cold outside. New news? (ha, same word) Its not new if you've lived in Rexburg longer than a week. :) But, as disgustingly cold as it is outside, its gorgeous and peaceful. I got sometime to sit outside tonight and see the snow drifting from the sky. The sky is full of little angels; dust from the heaven.
We are watching a BBC movie, its pretty amusing. British people (in the past) were pretty crazy. More into snide remarks that are "under the radar" while us Americans are generally pretty blunt. Maybe its just the times. I dont know.
Blah.
My mind wont stay on one subject.
I think its been frazzled.
You know what I need that would cure this little spell of an inability to think straight. that would be to read!! To read a book that is rich in thought and emotions that I would surely hear my poor little voice once again. For some reason that always helps.
So, the place that I am going to live in next semester reminds me of Sherlock holmes. Dont ask me why but the essence of his tactful brows and his unattached calculating voice seemed to echo as I stepped down into the living room. Whether it was the green old fashioned couches, or the stuffiness of age that made me think of him, it was AMAZING. I am in love with Sherlock holmes. If he were alive today, id be his side kick. I would never dream that he would find any romantic interest in me, and neither would I find one in him; it would be father daughter sort of relationship. I would be with him in every exertion (of course without being a pill of course). I really miss the black and white videos that I watched of Sherlock holmes.( Basil Rathbone as Sherlock) Oh what a stud. ;)
Anyways,
The morning creeps ever closer and I am sleepier than an ox. (if oxen were sleeppy) I might fall asleep on the couch tonight because I feel like falling asleep to the sound of the T.V. and my roomates hustling and bustling.
Good night world. Good night all. :) sleep well.
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
Old people lovin'

Do you ever wonder if you'll always be alone? Do you ever wonder if your just not cut out to have a wonderful relationship that other people seem to have with ease? Sure, everyone dreams of when they find "the one" or whatever, but I am starting to lose my zeal.
Whats wrong with being a lone? maybe i'll get married when I am 50 to a nice old man at some retirement home. That couldn't be so bad. Our dates could consist of bingo and making cookies with the young women of the ward. Whats the harm in that? Maybe thats what I'll look forward to. Right now, being alone yet happy, I'm going to work on trying really hard not to give in to the sultry voice of pizza that seems to want to lure me into haveing a heart attach or extra chins if I find the desire for a few extra. Oh bother.
ps. I just want to skip the whole dating and marrying part and have kids. Kids are awesome. They want to do things that I want to do, like build blocks and play with legos. Maybe i'll just grow up and adopt and then get married at "Sherwood assisted living." (old folks home in Sequim)
Monday, February 2, 2009
Temptation
Friday, January 30, 2009
Today I was a mermaid :)

I was sore from the gym again today so I decided to take a bath after taking a quick shower. When I looked down at the drain I saw that we had no way to plug the water with. Of course with my little mind began to work furiously, my wet glasses smashed unto my face in order to see, I realized it could most likely work by clogging the drain with my shampoo bottle. It seemed big enough at the time. So as I slowly began leaning back, feeling the warmth tenderly begin to massage my aching legs, I realized there was no gently sloping end where I could recline my head. It was at an awkward angle and I just couldn't figure out how I could fit and be comfortable at the same time. I began to lust after my Aunt and Uncle's bathtub. Their tub most definitely sends you to some heavenly orb. I had to drag my sorry bum out of it when I was staying in their lovely home (I was babysitting their children overnight) because I knew that it would be awkward if they came home and I had been sitting in the tub for that night and the following morning. How could I explain myself without being disowned from their family forever and never be able to baby sit my cousins until the end of time?
Anyways, while trying quite fruitlessly to get comfortable in my less than luxurious bathtub, I soon gave up and found a way to either prop my legs up and go under water with my top half or let my legs relax while keeping as much of the rest of my body submerged. When I turned the faucet off I laid myself onto my side which made the water ripple angrily and in turn sent my shampoo bottle scooting just far enough away from the drain to let the water begin to gurgle its way out.
I had every right to become perturbed or go on some quest to find a more adequate plug, but I decided that it was useless and found a way to enjoy myself.
By then I was very much relaxed, lying on my side, feeling the watery hands grip and touch me gently. As the water line slowly lowered I felt it pull my hair down into a halo around my head. With the water messaging my skin, slipping farther and farther away, I felt as if I were a mermaid. The hard unforgiving porcelain soon became soft white sand. I had taken my glasses off long ago so looking up to the ceiling it seemed to be a cloud filled sky (thanks to my legally blind eyes). I thought to myself " I could stay like this forever". It was as if I had lost the shell of stress that had encrusted around me, gathering its layers day by day. I had wiggled from my mortal skin into the flawless body of a mermaid. My mind was sent into the days when as a child I would pretend to be some sea living creature as I took my highly coveted baths.
When I was left with an empty tub and soon to be cold skin, I decided to slowly sit myself up and wring out my hair. Stepping out I realized that I was very much human, but looking into the mirror at my flushed face and hair plastered to my neck, I remained a mermaid. Smiling, I turned on my haunting Celtic music and lived in the dream, brushing my hair musingly.
Thursday, January 22, 2009
Venting
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
What ghosts cannont tell
http://shortstories-c.blogspot.com/
Thursday, January 15, 2009
Death in the air. Death(aka cold air) is everywhere. Niping at my fingers, niping at my toes. Cold is so terrible. My great and horrible foe
ANYWAYS,
enough prattle.
It was strange today. I wore my muffin/mushroom hat because I didnt have time to dry my hair, and I got the oddest reactions from people. A couple people smiled at me, girls complimented me "thats such a cute hat!" "thats such a cute hat and you look great in it!" Blah blah blah. I know that it is seemly and only customary to be flattered by recieving compliments (although, I dont see the reason for me saying thanks, I didnt make the hat! I just wear it for darn sake to keep my noggin' from freezing!) but during the course of my day, the random smiles and compliments I found myself bewildered. It brought me to a realization. I would love not to state it because everytime I think over this character quirk that I have, I feel sheepish. Again, a reaction that seems strange.
well, my character quirk is that I dislike attention. I love people. Love to talk with them, see them smile and laugh, do them good, but at the same time I do not like them focusing on me. Alright...that is not entirely true. I do daydream being able to sing in front of a crowd with an awesome voice that could touch everyone's hearts and souls with its awesomeness...I even enact it when jumping on my bed singing (off tune of course) to my ipod. But, at the same time I would love to have the chance to dissapear.
Oh hey look! Caitlin is rambaling again! what a surprise....? not really.
Anyways ( I say that a lot, dont I?) apparently Rexburg is supposedly going to get colder...(more cold..whatever) Is that even possible?!! When walking out of the library my breath was forced back into my chest by a great and terrible fist of freezing cold air. It was as if it were saying "BREATHING IS NOT ALLOWED. LIFE DOES NOT EXIST OUT HERE, BE GONE HUMAN!"
Of course I trudged my way through the torrent of devilish angels hidden in the wind, but it was not without great struggle. When I scuffle home from my night classes I try to dispell my anger towards the freezing death by whistling: "There is sunshine in my soul today!" ha! take that evil chill! I dont mind the looks of endearment and patronization from patrons; I carry on in my battle, though subtle, which is unquestionably essential to my survival.
This reminds me...
there are certain things that I must have. If I have them, I am good. If not, I am an unhappy quiet yet coniving grump. And they are as follows:
1. Caitlin must have a full stomach
2. Caitlin must be able to sleep
3. Caitlin must be warm.
Really, I am not high maitenance. I dont lust after jewels, nice clothes, nice cars, nice houses, nice cutlery (I bet someone somewhere lusts after nice cutlery, who wouldnt want a nice sleek knife or fork?) such on a so forth.
Anways, a warm, full, and well rested Caitlin is a Happy Caitlin. Who is also refferring to herself in third person and must get to bed now before she looses her mind. oh wait, too late.
Good night world. Good night friends, foes, aquaintences, bosom nothings, entertainers, entertainees, or random folk who do not fit in catagories.
Night.
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
Who is God really?
By the way, this is a very humbling and profound talk by Gordon B. Hinckley. I highly recommend it:
http://www.lds.org/ldsorg/v/index.jsp?vgnextoid=f318118dd536c010VgnVCM1000004d82620aRCRD&locale=0&sourceId=f9ef092480e6c010VgnVCM1000004d82620a____&hideNav=1
Monday, January 12, 2009
late late late late
I just wanted to say a public "Thank you" and then list all the things that I hope for...
First, I want to thank Heavenly Father for giving me a second chance at life. I want to thank hi for everything he has done for me, for being there for me and being patient with me, even though I make so many mistakes OVER AND OVER again.
Secondly, To my family. They have always been there for me and I have never been closer to any other human beings than with them. They are my best of friends and they have been there for me through thick and thin. Theyve seen me at my worst and they still love me. (a miracle..truly)
Third, to everyone who has touched my life. There have been times when I needed a friend and someone was there. Someone to listen to me groan and moan about things that were foolish or tedious. Also, to those in my life who have shown little acts of kindness. From strangers, to good friends. I am truly grateful for your love and your kindness. I never forget it and I always pray that Heavenly father blesses you greatly in so many ways for helping such a silly person as me.
I know this sounds like one of those "thank you"s at the end of a CD jacket, but I just felt like I needed to send out a general thank you out into the void of technology. My heart is truly full. Looking back at my life, I have gone far. Very far from many horrible times in my life. I could say that I had an easy life, but at the same time I could say that I had a very difficult life. I choose to say that I have had a perfect life for me. I need a challenge and Heavenly Father has definitely given me some things to tackle. well..I guess its mostly just so that I can come closer to him because the problems evaporated once I returned into his care.
My testimony of Heavenly Father and of Jesus Christ and The Book of Mormon and of the church are so much a part of me that its impossible to think of my life without these influences. I not only cant see my life without them, I dont want to. Its who I am. Heart mind and soul. And when I make stupid mistakes (and I most definately make my fair share) I feel terrible. I want to be as near to God as I can. I just hope that I can to all that I can to be near him. Maybe someday when I have my cute little kids I can teach them of the happiness they can have. Teach them in a way that they have their choice. I want them to see that I love God and that because of my trying my best to be good he has blessed me and that he blesses everyone in small to very large ways. I want them to have him as their only god, and to glory in his goodness and wisdom. Even if they dont, I will always love them of course. I will always support them, but I know that no happiness can be found without obeying some law of God's. (and laws are not to be broken or worked around. They are there to lift you up. Who ever said that stairs are horrible or that stairs control your life? Doesnt make sense right? Same thing. doesnt make sense why something that is there to help you is meant to hurt you. It only hurts if you fall down the stairs but if you dont have stairs it makes life that much more difficult) You know though, I believe how I do and others have that right. I just feel really blessed and I am glad that I am alive and that I have a chance to live the life that I want.